Was this Caravaggio's favorite time of year I think it must have been.

We have arrived at that strange time of year where its still summer and things are so full of life but you can see the end coming. Things are starting to decay almost like a blight is edging closer gobbling up the green abundance of summer. It dawned on me the other morning on my way to work that I bet this was Caravaggio's favorite time of year. One thing I always have loved about his work is that even in painting a still life the fruit is a little bruised the leaves a little yellow showing a little disease. I think Caravaggio was really into portraying the cycle of life and he seemed to love to capture things just past their prime descending into decline and death. He always showed the dirtiness of life too most artists paint people with clean feet not good ole Caravaggio he painted dirty feet he was the real deal and told it like it is. Yes he is one of my favorite artists could you tell? I like a little dark side with my sun.

Free to be you and me and thoughts from the fair.

 

Its funny I will be 44 in less than a month and I still find myself struggling sometimes with being who I am. I saw this woman at the county fair the other night at the rodeo and for some reason I was just struck with her it probably was because she was decked out in full cowboy style - boots, wranglers, plaid shirt, topped with a sweet cowboy hat. There was just something about her and I found myself saying oh man I would love to look just like her. Then I pictured myself in her outfit and I started to laugh and I said to myself but EB if you dressed like that you wouldn't be dressing like yourself. Funny after all these years I still find myself every once in awhile wanting to be something other than me. But then probably because of my age I realized that I was okay just being me and I wouldn't look so silly in maybe a pair of cowboy boots just maybe not the whole outfit!

When I struggle with identity and making sure my motives are authentic for some reason I always come back to the above it was huge when I was little. The 70's were cool weren't they? Free to be you and me. The world would be a kinder place if people just followed this simple maxim.



not me and its okay.

I love the county fair and the Washington County one in my opinion is one of the best around especially in the agricultural sense. But I always feel and probably always will feel like an outsider. I know its not my story and I can grow as much vegetable as I want and sell them at market for years and call myself 3 Dogs Barking Farms but I don't ever think I really feel like I belong. Maybe I need to get some livestock well if I did that I would have to move and so far I am not ready to move and do I really need to buy livestock to try and be something I know I am not? I wish it was my story but its not.



well I do have a rooster and his name is clive hes been staring at me lately not sure what he is planning.

Planning a day at the track and living small dreams.

So tomorrow Tommy and I are going to go to the track at Saratoga this will be the first time this year we go to the public part of the track also known as the front stretch. We are going to bring a couple of chairs and maybe find seats near the paddock so we can see the horses get tacked up and all that good stuff and maybe even spot a winner. I love horse racing always have since I was little. Well more to the point I love horses only like a girl can but when I was little I had asthma and the doctor told my parents that I couldn't ride so the closest I could get to them was to go to the track. Now I don't want it to seem like I spent my life hot walking horses with a program in my jean pocket (now that would be a dream but I cant really imagine my parents getting up a 3am to drive me to long island everyday) but my dad would take me a couple of times of year and depending on the time of the year that would be Belmont, Aqueduct and if I was really really lucky Saratoga. It was one of those things we did usually just the two of us and I guess that makes the memories even more special. I remember my first big score (I think I won $20 and I thought I had it made) was on a horse named Cookie now again I would love to say I picked Cookie because of her form in the daily racing form but no it was because her name was Cookie. What ten year old could resist hell I probably couldn't resist that name at 43. The great thing is its something we still do together today usually we go for a few races Sunday afternoons after I've done my farm chores and hes watched the golf on TV.

My parents moved to Saratoga about 12 years ago and my husband and I followed about 9 years ago and I have to tell you that the track at Saratoga was definately a check in the pro column on the list of pros and cons of moving to the North Country.  After a few years I was successful in nagging my dad to buy a small percentage in a racehorse and that began our adventures on the backstretch. I love the backstretch its quiet and calm there are lots of horses (of course) its where the outriders hang out when they don't have a race and I love it when they watch the races on the TV next to the food stand on horse back. I'm sorry that's just cool. Last time I even got to give one a leg up when he was having trouble mounting it was the first time I got to do that and in my excitement i almost launched him over his horse and into the next county. But tomorrow Tommy and I are going to do the track the normal way I will have a couple of beers and enjoy the people watching while trying to make some modest gains betting small and Tommy will wander around looking at all the delicious food that's to be had. My best memory at the track one of those well I can check off one thing off the things to do before I die list was when we won with Rereadthefootnotes a few years back I got to stand in the winners circle and to completely honest I cried.

I was never a person who had big dreams I never knew what I wanted to do when I grew up never had a passion for something that ruled my life. I always envy those people who are consumed with something like that guy from New Zealand who has spent his whole life looking for the giant squid (finally got it on camera a few years back) or the couple I took a class with who were both soil scientists at Cornell and you could tell soil is what they talked about 24/7.  I used to think horse racing was it for me until I tried to spend a few days handicapping and turns out not one of my talents. But at least now I have found farming and so far its the one thing I am actually passionate about and it does consume me as far as I am comfortable being consumed by something. And besides standing in the winner circle there are a few things I have accomplished that I thought were important when I was younger or small dreams I had, I live somewhere completely beautiful and I live on the Hudson River. You can tell I never dared to dream big I was and still am not comfortable with big dreams I prefer small reachable dreams. Can you tell I am a Virgo?

Degrees of failure and yes we finally have vegetables.

Finally after a week off from market things are starting to pop and for the first time all year we had a nice table and we just about sold out. Nothing beats going to market seeing a good crowd selling almost everything and enjoying a beautiful day. I ran out of time in the morning picking stuff and I left Romaine and Haricots Verts to be picked for next week so I am optimistic (fingers crossed) that next week can be even better. 

The first potatoes are ready these are red thumb, red norlands and german butterball. Glad I planted as many as I did its one thing I did right this year. Although you can't imagine how dirty I got digging them in the rain the other day. But things are finally looking up but I am being cautious in my optimism I cant see into the future so I have no idea about what problems are coming my way. I was turned onto this post the other day farm drama written by Shannon Hayes and this quote in particular really struck a note:

That’s farm drama. It happens every other week during the growing season, every few hours during lambing season (which is now) and haying season (which is starting). If any of us truly sought sympathy, we would be wasting time seeking it from each other, much less any other farmer. This degree of failure is just part of the day for folks like us, and any sad stories are likely to be easily one-upped by the next farmer".  

I love this quote it pretty much sums it all up even at market you hear the undertones of panic people telling the tales of misfortune of some person they know who's field was decimated by deer or the other guy who lost huge fields to blight and you just pray that the bad luck doesn't come your way. You know its out there you just don't know when its going to come knocking on your door. But I am trying to stay positive and not let fear get the better of me. Signing off now to go plant for fall and trying to sneak some last summer crops in too a bit of a gamble but what the hell it might pan out it might not only seeds and labor right? 

Celebrating a donkeys 30th bday and other news.

My husband is one tough looking dude lots of tattoos bald head big beard but the thing you probably wouldn't realize in looking at him that he has one of the softest hearts around. Now don't get me wrong he turns into "captain asshole" on a dime but most of the times he is a big softy. Case in point I got a text on Friday from him saying lets play hooky from market tomorrow and instead drive up to Shelburne Farms its their donkey Dudley's 30th bday and they are having a party. Now my first instinct was of course to say no I am a gigantic rule follower but then I checked out the website and realized that not only was it the very cute donkeys bday but it was a day celebrating draft power. Now that's my cup of tea! So off the Vermont we went what a beautiful day for a beautiful drive here are a few pics.

not kidding really had a bday party for a donkey but hey hes 30th that's no small feat!

Birthday boy getting some well deserved scratches

great team discing away

Now why was I willing to bend the rules and skip market? Truthfully because I didn't have a hell of a lot to bring and I figured by taking a break for a week if would give everything a chance to grow. Good news looks like my plan worked and this week we should welcome beets beans and potatoes to our little offering and maybe just maybe I wont want to hide under the table like a little kid embarrassed by what they brought to show and tell.

I'm glad we went I love love love Shelburne Farms if you are from the area go and if you aren't next time you are remotely in the area go its absolutely lovely and they make some damn good cheese to boot. Tommy just keep shaking his head at me every time I ran back to him like a little kid and said babe babe guess what they are going to plow now and off I dashed with my camera to take too many pictures then back again babe babe they are going to disc now omg I am so excited. I am afraid my husband was looking at me like it was time to go to the booby hatch but what can I say I love farming I love watching people farm and even better maybe the best ever I love watching horses farm. What a great day it was.

P.S. the cake for Dudley was carrot cake (of course).

Hoping things get better while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Sounds like a waste of time right? Hoping against hope that things start to grow nice and strong while worrying about what is going to go wrong. Or maybe once again that is just one more parallel between life and farming. The sun is finally out and now I fear a drought. No real reason I fear it wont rain again I guess I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The sun is finally out things are starting to grow but I am getting paranoid about bugs again waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is a pins and needles kind of season. Its so ironic two years ago when I first started I was planning on getting to market but because of the epic flood of spring 2011 we didn't make it but things grew that year better for me than they have had since. I guess we can chalk it up to beginners luck I wasn't worrying about flea beetles cucumber beetles squash bugs powdery mildew or any of it. Why wasn't I worried because friends I was the epitome of ignorance is bliss. I didn't know so I didn't worry where they out there probably did they ruin my little world? no. 

So as I did my tour of the "field" aka my back yard to see what I would have ready for market this weekend and realizing that again it wouldn't be much maybe a few bags of salad mix some zucchini a few cucumbers a broccoli and I started to panic feeling like I messed up again and when if ever was I going to  get my shit together I took a deep breath and realized I did have my shit together and it wasn't my fault if the sun didn't come out in June. So I grabbed a glass of wine and jumped in the pool for a moment or two of relaxation and while I was standing there a huge beautiful heron flew about 20 feet over me and I just called out "hey beautiful good journey" what a beautiful thing he was I am taking it as a good omen why not he could have crapped on my head but wait isn't that a good omen too?

So hoping against hope the things I have growing that are almost ready will pop the beans look amazing and so do the potatoes and the tomatoes are right behind them. Frankly I was embarrassed at market last week I even became paranoid that the market manager who is my secret mentor was disappointed in me. I tried not to take it to heart and chalked it up to my own paranoia. I even envisioned her moving me to some discreet part of the market where I wouldn't embarrass anyone. I just realized how many times I say hoping against hope in writing about our little venture man I guess it says it all.

Happy growing everyone!

Raining again looking for approval and trying not to give up.

When I started this small micro-farm I knew it was going to be hard I knew there would be times when I would feel like giving up now is one of those times. The rain has been relentless and the small amount of machinery we use keeps failing us my hands are so stiff from weeding the joints in my fingers are becoming disfigured and I feel like we are falling further and further behind although I have never worked harder in my life. I am trying not to feel sorry for myself and I am trying even harder not to congratulate myself on how hard I am working.

Funny even at my advanced age of 43 I still find myself looking for approval. One night at dinner I was trying to hint to my dad just how HARD I was working and just how PROUD he should be of me. Do you know what he said to me? He said look at it this way if you weren't doing what you are doing you would probably be 20 pounds heavier than you are now. Not exactly the praise I was looking for but our family doesn't really do that. Hard work is to be expected and handled not fawned over. But sometimes even if you know your not going to get the approval you are craving it doesn't stop you from trying. Some lessons never learned I guess. Nothing is more annoying than trying to point out to people how wonderful you are. Ha I am only kidding and yes I am more than aware that I am being juvenile. I hate when you know you are being a baby but cant stop yourself. One of the cool things about being 43 is although I have come a long way human being wise I still have a way to go. Looking for the meaningful life if you know what I mean.

The real problem is how can you complain about something you don't really have to do that you want to do because it makes you happy? You cant can you? So even though I am sitting at my desk job and can barely hold a pen my hands hurt so much and I have mosquito bites over 75% of my body and I am so overwhelmed with being behind I have to keep telling myself that this was your idea and nobody else's so you better get it together and stop whining. And no you are not going to go home after work and go straight to bed and bury you head under the covers you are going to go out to the yard dig by hand if necessary and get the stupid crops in the ground. End of story. And yes I am talking to myself (again).

Wish me luck I think I need it.