Im not in Kansas anymore.....notes from the country

Not sure if I haven't written about this or not but there were many things that confused me and some that still do when I moved to upstate NY a little over 10 years ago. Here are a few of my favorite observations or confusions.....

People having fake plastic animals or the cutouts of animals in their yard. Sometimes there are a little vignette of plastic deer or the black cutouts of moose or bears. The first time I saw the black bear cutout I almost drove off the road because it was quite far away and yes I thought it was real. I panicked because there were horses nearby and I thought it was stalking them. Still not sure the reason people have them are they trying to attract animals repel animals or just make me drive off the road? Maybe they have hidden cameras setup and the laugh every time someone drives by and does a double take. Kin to this is well coverings that look like little doghouses for very very short dogs. This one I pondered for a long long time I just couldn't figure out why you would put such a short dog or doll house in your yard. Finally I mumbled something while driving with my husband and he said um idiot they are decorative pieces to cover well heads. Well he probably didn't say it like that.

Another one is outside wood burning furnaces. This one took me awhile to figure out at first I just thought people in upstate NY were crazy about smoking meat. Maybe after luring deer to their yard by using the fake plastic animals above they smoked the meat? Finally after getting a subscription to Mother Earth news I figured out via the ads in the back that these were actually a furnaces and not smokers. Too bad someone doesn't invent a hybrid that does both now that would be neat.

A great perk to country living? Hell you don't want something you put it out in your front yard near the road with a "free" sign on it and no matter how obscure the object is someone sooner or later will take it. Now this could be the blender jar to a blender you no longer have the cookie sheet to a toaster oven that broke it doesn't matter have patience someone will take it. I have seen the strangest things for offer and a day or two later they will be gone. I am going to test this soon too as we are getting closer to getting the house on the market. Stuff I don't want I am just putting it out there and seeing what happens.

A frivolous post but these are some of my thoughts driving on country lanes on my way to work. Got to think and ponder about something right?

Thoughts on growing up and old.

My dish was messed up this weekend so I had to go to my ipad to watch a little boob tube. I choose to catch up on the HBO show "Girls" for fun. I kind of thought because the show is about twenty somethings I wouldn't really be able to relate to it in a present I am 45 sense although I knew it would bring back plenty of memories of my twenties. But I was very surprised how the themes and variations of the show resonate with me still today. Well except the part where everyone has sex with everyone and anyone all the time. That still doesn't happen to me.

So many themes.....creativity and being an artist who really is an artist and should the rest of us pick up the tab?  Just because you want to be an artist does it mean you shouldn't have to support yourself until you can make it doing whatever art it is you want to do? If your dream is not sustainable and you end up allowing others to enable you by helping you is that right? How important is being authentic to yourself and others in achieving your goals?

What do you want to be when you grow up? Man I am still wrestling with this one but the thing I am figuring out is you never really grow up so don't freak out you don't know what you want to do just do want you want now and figure the rest out later. Now this is really freeing for me I love that it just opens up endless possibilities of re-inventing yourself and your dreams. I think we all get stuck in this shoe box starting when you are young when we get questioned at a young age so little jimmy what do you want to be when you grow up. I always wanted to answer how the bleep should I know I am six and besides the only options I could come up was principal dancer with the American Ballet Theater or a jockey. Both extremely improbable but hey I was just a kid.

To be honest I have never known what I wanted to do and maybe I never will. I took a finding meaning in your life quiz the other day and I came up with two passions in my life one is growing food and the other is cooking. So then a light bulb went off in my head and said well maybe one day I will combine the two to create business along the lines of "from my garden to your table" and start a catering company. I brought this up casually last night at dinner with my parents and my mother immediately said what a great idea and apparently my dad made a face which my mother called him out on. So I said don't worry mom that's just the face Dad makes when I mention leaving corporate America. She said oh I thought it was his beer.

What have I taken away from the show so far? Always use a condom, people are complicated some more than others, artist are usually major narcissists, I should have had more sex in my twenties I let problems with my body image hold me back, no matter your age its okay to reinvent yourself and find new dreams. Never growing up in the popular sense of the phrase is a good thing.

Coming to grips on your inner asshole and patience is not my virtue.

Okay its been one of those days were I am certainly not shining as a human. Today my husband has to have a MRI to see whats going on with his health. I think he might have had another small stroke and maybe this time its not so small but we shall wait and see. He is there now while I am at work pretending to care about envelopes (yes that's what I do for a living envelopes don't ask). At times like this, times of stress anxiety and of muttering to yourself is this really my life you like to think that you will be this great compassionate caring nurturing nurse type person.

So far today it hasn't worked out like that and I am kind of ashamed of myself.  We woke up early so I could drop him off at my parents house so my kind Dad could drive him to the MRI and before we left I suggested his take his bottle of Xanax with him in case he had a panic attack. So little did I know that he instead of just taking the bottle with him he ended up taking 2. Yup 2 and these aren't little ones either these are big daddys.

So needless to say about 20 minutes into our journey he starts to sway in his chair and I say (insert expletive) how many did you take? So I pull into my parents driveway and he starts to puke and I yell what the hell are you doing. I guess im a little cranky at 7am on a Monday morning. So I stop yelling and jump out of the car grab something to clean him up with and for a minute stop being a major bitch I even had to have a short time out with myself like lady stop freaking yelling at him and take care of him what the hell is wrong with you.

Needless say I finish pulling into the driveway and he starts to walk into the house but he is pretty unsteady on his feet (part Xanax part too much weed and part whatever is wrong) so he knocks over a planter and once again I jump out of the car run to help get him into my parents house and with my Dad's help get him safely to the sofa. And with that I leave to go to work.

My mom just called and said that he is home safe but that he left his phone with my Dad so now I have no way to talk to him to one apologize and two to see how things went. I don't think we will have the results right away. Where do you find patience when the well is  dry? When you feel so on edge you are defiantly not the best version of yourself?

Symphony in Brown

 

Took the dogs out for the first real walk of the season yesterday. Booker managed to get into every puddle we came across but I was right behind him I love stomping in puddles always have and hopefully I always will. I remember when I was little coming into the house drenched from splashing around in puddles. I don't go that far any more but Booker sure does. But being a dachshund mix he is low to the ground so hes pretty apt to get pretty dirty quick. The farmer who bought the farm land around me turned many of the large hay fields into corn fields so right now until the corn is planted and sprouts we are looking at a 196 acres of brown. Very brown. Beautiful in its own right and I named it a symphony in brown yesterday while walking the dogs.

This is a picture post walk of Booker taking a well earned nap.



 

Elephants in the room and cards on the table.

picture of front yard in snow of new maybe house.

With the daylight savings I actually get home from work when its still light which is just so nice. I was actually able to get to the chicken coop without wading through thigh high drifts of snow to feed them and give them water and to chat with the ladies a bit and I was EVEN able to make it to the side of the coop where the hatch to get the eggs is and guess what there were eggs oh happy day! After taking care of the chickens and spending a little quality time with them I hung out with Booker and Lulu outside for a bit so I could soak up some much needed vitamin D. Now the only drawback to all this light and melting snow was the VAST amount of dog poop it has uncovered. Honestly I was even a little taken aback. I mean wow that's a lot of dog poop. Booker even looked a little proud. Now all I need is a nice strong rain to wash all the poop away.....rain rain wash the poop away....I guess I could pick it up but nah the rain will take care of it eventually.

In other news we might have found a house that we like. Now we just have to sell ours. To get me off my ass and get started getting the house in order I finally did something I should have done months ago told our realtor Tim to come over to take a look. Now we have no choice but to get it in order. Wish me luck I guess that's what I will be doing this weekend cleaning man I hate cleaning. I always think cleaning is something that you have to do once and then it just stays clean. One can wish right? Maybe if a genie ever popped out of a bottle that would be one of my wishes. The house we like has over 12 acres many of them wooded but there is a field that is being farmed now that I could use if I decided to keep farming. So I am glad that option would be open to me also plenty of room for horses. I will have a horse one day.

Having Tim come out to take a look at our house too will finally make me acknowledge the other elephant in the room which I have had my head in the sand trying to avoid...just how much is my house worth? Because its so old and needs work I can only come up with a huge range of what we might get for it. And I have been too scared to actually ask the question what do you think we can get. I have actually gone out of my way to avoid the near mention of the topic and trust me I can change topics in a conversation faster than well I don't know what but take my word for it its fast. So now the cards are being put on the table and we will see where we stand. I will probably feel relieved I always do better when I now what a situation entails even if its bad the unknown is not a good place for me.

We have one more situation to face too (its been a hard winter) the other elephant in the room is my husbands health. Tommy has had a few small strokes in the past but something has happen in the past few months and something is wrong. It has taken me a long time to get him out of denial and face that he needs his noggin checked out and finally we go see the brain doc in two weeks. I am very much a paint a sunny picture keep smiling no matter what keep cracking jokes kind of person but its time I face up to all these unknowns and deal. Funny I didn't notice how tight I was strung until I was replying to an email Tim wrote yesterday about the house thats for sale and when I started to explain the situation of the house and of Tommy I started to cry and I realized I was treating my poor realtor like a therapist. Poor Tim wonder if he knew what a nightmare he was signing up for.

Dispatches from the front.

sorry i couldnt stand posting one more photo of snow

So another snow emergency tonight. The county guys have been extra extra diligent this year clearing snow from the road and just about everyday i am plowed back in. Not sure what their aim is maybe to make my country road a 4 lane highway pretty soon they will be plowing the farmers field for him. So anyway I leave work go to the grocery store come home and instead of busting through the drift that blocks my drive for some unknown reason I hesitate yup hesitate. And guess what I get hung up so bad my car is basically teetering on top of a large hunk of snow. But since I haven't really eaten today and after my long commute and too much water at work I seriously have to pee. So I make a few attempts to free my car but after awhile after many swears and even one very juvenile burst of tears I grab my groceries walk up the long drive and go inside to make dinner.

Being the procrastinator that i am I of course said well we will deal with this in the morning cooked and ate my dinner and than got into bed with the pups and the tv. About 10 at night i see a flash light bounce around the drive and I said to myself oh now this isn't going to go away tonight is it.? I make Tommy answer the door since once again I was in my underwear. And yes it is one of the county sheriffs worried that my car is just sticking out on the road just enough to get hit by a plow. So I once again hustle on a pair of pants and by sturdy boots even manage to put a bra on (why I don't know why maybe because it was the law knocking?) and go out to help the officer get my car out. Now I don't do rescuing well i would actually rather chew my arm off but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

So we try and dig it out and I hop in the car and do the old back and forth but to no effect whats so ever. So he tells (no I didn't ask his name bad human bad) if I can find a board or something and I think of just the thing in the house and go back up the drive to get it. So he manages to get the board under one of the back tires but still no effect the car is totally hung up under the carriage. At this point I am starting to feel really guilty about wasting his time I try and tell jokes but they aren't going over well.  Funny thing not one person drives by the house during this whole thing well not until good Samaritan name unknown (okay once again bad human) stops to help. He assesses the situation and starts digging. Now I am not one of those people who let the men just take care of it while i stand idly by.

By this point I am getting desperate I can tell they are just about to flee the situation and tell me to call triple A in the morning so I say give me to shovel and I belly flop down on the snow and inch my way under the car to get the snow out. I say I think i have it lets try again so the sheriff dude takes the wheel and me and good Samaritan start pushing and out she pops once again to the cheers of the crowd (okay that was only in my head).

So another snow escapade in a very long long season of snow and cold. Spring has got to come right? Might just take a few months to melt the snow though.

There is a river under there and other notes from the tundra.

I took the picture yesterday morning on my way to work. If you can believe it beyond those trees is the Hudson River. Yes folks there is a river under there. Amazing right? A harsh beauty to be sure you just have to remind yourself that there is life under all that. Another chilly morning out here by the river. Must have been -8 or so when I woke up today and you can always tell when its cold when the dogs do NOT linger over their business. Needless to say its been a long winter but the days are getting longer and the sun feels stronger more permanent the light just a bit brighter. I keep looking at the extended forecast to see a break in the weather and then you think you see it a day above freezing a night not one the likes seen only in Siberia and then poof you get to that day and its negative 8 at night and 19 degrees during the day. I just went out to give the chickens fresh unfrozen water and man its cold out there. So I did what any sensible person would do I made another cup of coffee and got back into bed with the pups. I am only human right?

Struggling to think of things to write about besides its cold, I'm cold, its still cold. Have I mentioned its cold? Boring!  Spring spring spring spring wait its still cold cold cold cold. But its got to come right? This isn't one of those fantasy novels when evil has spread across the land and the harvests fail and spring never comes again until the young hero breaks the evil spell and everything is right again is it? Maybe its a plot by the mysterious man that must be in my driveway now as I type because Booker is barking his head off and growling but I am not going to fall for it I am not. I am not getting up to look to see whats out there because I KNOW there is nothing. Even Lulu is looking and doesn't look upset so I am going to ignore him. Probably a freaking bird. Not that I can blame the poor pup he must have a serious case of cabin fever I mean how many naps can you take in a day. Don't answer that the answer is lots.

I have started to plan a small garden for this year. I have no idea when we are going to move but I am going to grow food anyway whats the worse thing that happens someone buys the house and gets a great veggie garden too? Growing food for me its really all about the process and not the end result so if that happens I am okay with it. I wasn't going to garden at all everything is just too up in the air but a friend at work told me that I was being silly. She said it obviously makes you very happy growing food so do it you are lucky enough to have something you enjoy doing so much so go do it. Wise words. So I worked up my master plan yesterday how big (24'x36') what I wanted to grow and then got down to the brass tacks of how many of each when to start the seeds when to transplant and all that good stuff. So now we only really need spring to come and we can get started. Now that I think about it I have to start a tray of spinach today. Let the games begin! Stay warm everyone springs coming I can feel it.