Arrested Developement and looking for a time machine.

So here is a funny one....Tonight I am going with my parents to a posh cocktail party for the opening of the ballet season at SPAC and as I was getting dressed I was wondering to myself if my outfit was chic enough and if my mother would be disappointed with what I chose to wear. So as I am drying my hair I was having one of those internal arguments you have in your head with people and as I was replying to some snippy comment my mom made about my outfit (okay my mom is awesome this anxiety is all on me I am sure she will think I look fine although I might get a bit of an eye roll over my outfit) I said "I don't have time to grow up right now". WOW calling Dr. Freud holy Freudian slip. Of course I meant to say I don't have time to dress up right now which is a ridiculous thing to say anyway. Can I make any more excuses about my life? So apparently I don't think I am grown up and I am 45 years old. Again WOW!

This calls for some soul searching I think. Maybe I need to start meditating and figure out what's going on up there in the old subconscious.  I mean things are not ideal right now actually they are pretty freaking tough but I think the issues go back a bit farther than what's going on right now. Again duh of course this is all rooted somewhere back in time.... Anyone have a time machine I can borrow and a magnifying glass? Oh well as the old man Socrates says the unexamined life is not worth living...You can say that again. Wish me luck....

Call to Arms - To Create or not

my husband is stuck in just about everyway possible I painted this as a reminder yesterday while I was painting the living room.

As for everyone I am sure in life there always seems to be certain themes that occur time and time again throughout our lives. The question of creativity has always been one in mine and to be honest something that I have struggled with. I know I want to create and if I was less honest with myself I would say I don't write or paint as much as I would like because I don't have time but that's not really true because I have plenty of time to read and to watch tv well okay lets be really honest tv mostly.

And again being honest with myself I will admit that although writing this blog alleviates some of the backlog of creativity that resides in my head maybe it doesn't totally fit the bill because I don't really try all that hard. Many of my posts are fluffy and fun and are about stuff that just kind of flies out of my head into my fingers and onto the page. Instead of lessening the need to create I think it actually just serves the narcissist in me and of course makes me laugh when I am trying to be funny because nobody thinks I am funnier than I do. Food for thought.

Now the real deal for me creatively is painting and in my mind the hardest. To me painting is like throwing a bucket down a well and the bucket usually comes back empty maybe even with spiders and cobwebs and a dead frog.  So why do I even think about painting? I mean seriously I have spent about 45 minutes in the last 10 years actually painting (paint by numbers don't count) so why do I even bother contemplating it? Maybe because when it works and you can put down on the canvas what you are seeing in your minds eye there is no better feeling in the world. Its when it all clicks together and the sun aligns with something neat up in space and the clouds part and the angels sing. Yup that's what it feels like.

Why do I even feel the need to create anyway? There are plenty of people I know who don't create at all and who don't seem the least bothered by it. Hell I even know people who don't read? Don't read are you mad? What do you do with your brain? Oh well that's a topic for another day. But why do some of us seem to look for a deeper meaning in life and some of us seem absolutely find with the status quo? Beat the hell out of me brain type maybe? Upbringing? A really good philosophy teacher in college? Reading too much DH Lawrence? Oh who knows. Okay I bet somebody does but its not me.

For more thoughts on creativity and a much deeper look and well again to be honest one much better written follow the link here....Do You Have Time To Be Creative?