Sunday, September 14, 2014

Being stubborn and hoping for the best.

After a busy summer micro farming I finally took some time out to start to clean the house hopefully it will get me jump started to getting the house ready to sell. I can't believe how bad I let the house get I can't believe the things I found (yuck gross). But I think living with someone who is suffering a profound depression and has for quite some time has dragged me down so much I could no longer see or care what was happening around me. Now just ask my mother I have always been messy but this is taking it to new heights the Discovery Channel could walk in and start filming a new reality show. I think one of my problems is sheer stubbornness see I work a full time job in corporate America have a long commute and because apparently I am bonkers I have added farming to my life so my free time especially in the growing season is minimal now add the fact that the husband is totally and completely unemployed I think he should clean the house. Now he agrees in principle but apparently disagrees in practice. Frustrating to say the least.

Now the rub is that we need to move we need to move badly for several reasons. First of all there are only two of us and we live in an historic 2700 square foot colonial house built in 1775 and it is completely terrifying to own.  You are always waiting for the next shoe to drop now this would be okay if we had something like a savings account okay well I have one theres just like $45 bucks in it so it's not much help when things go wrong. So to save my mental health and sanity it's time to down size the house and upsize the land I need some land people land all my own.  Living in the midst of someone else's 196 acre lot of rolling corn fields is wonderful but their land not mine.  Also we have no community where we are there is a Stewarts (of course) a company the makes flags and um well that's it. It's one of those places that unless you grew up here or have joined the volunteer fire department friends are hard to find.  Lastly money we need to find a situation we can truly afford.  So there are the reasons to move oh one more I think the house is a bit haunted....

Tommy swears it's the house that depressing him and in away I agree because it's overwhelming but I also know that you bring your troubles with you. Don't we all wish when we pack up to move we could put all the bad things we don't want to deal with in a box that gets left behind? I turned 45 this week and I know that as much as it's a lovely thought it just doesn't happen.  I hope he is not too shocked when we finally do move that he still wants to sit in a room with the curtains drawn watching certain movies over and over and over again. I hope it's not the case but I think I know better. What is the saying hope for the best but expect the worst?