Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Flip flop of fortune

A picture of the little demon in full flight.

Say that one three times fast.  This morning I got up and let the dogs out and I left them out in the fenced in back yard while I got ready. I was upstairs putting my make up on when lulu came up now she often lets herself back in so I wasn't worried but usually she is followed in short order by Booker. Today no Booker. I go back downstairs out the backdoor and guess what no dog. I go back in the house yell for him figuring maybe he went upstairs and I didn't see him. No Booker. Back outside I go and then I see it....the open gate. Oh boy. He's pulled a runner.

Grab shoes purse leash and run outside and there he is about a block away so I yell nicely to him come on Booker squat down and clap to him and he comes running. I heave a huge sigh of relief which changes quickly to a gasp of "oh shit" when the dog gets about 5 feet from me and decides he is not quite done with his little adventure. He dashes through my neighbor Bob's yard and does not come back. I jump in the car and beep the horn and no dog...Of course its cold out so the windshield is iced over but I throw caution to the wind crank the defroster use the stupid windshield fluid and take off in hot pursuit. I see glimpses of a caramel brown dog flashing a block away. I tear over there no dog. And then I remember he doesn't even have a collar on. Gulp.

I pulled out again and do another circuit and I see him on the sidewalk of the main route in town sniffing at some garbage cans and again stop the car yell to him and thankfully this time the little bugger sees me and runs to me and jumps to the safety of the car. Huge sigh of relief. When I left for work he was taking a nap on the couch. But times like these always make me remember that things can be fine one moment and the switch flips and Houston we have a problem. One minute your happily putting on your makeup the next you are driving around town like a maniac beeping the horn and yelling. I guess it just goes to show you need to appreciate the calm when you have it and realize that what ever happens good or bad you have the strength to deal with the problems. Its just the flip flop of fortune.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Back to the old house no more its time to move on.

One of my favorite pictures of the old house that old house which is no longer my house. What a beauty she is but hopefully by giving her up she can be saved and brought back to her glory. We closed yesterday and although I tried not to have expectations on how I would feel I was surprised to find that what I mostly felt was numb. Just numb. I did tear up a little at the closing when I saw the buyers name and the address. Thankfully I pulled myself together I think it would be embarrassing to cry in front of a room full of lawyers. And I mean a roomful the cologne was over powering in a big way.

As much as I loved that house and the idea of it I am glad it is now someone else's worry. I bought that house with my heart and not my head. I was never going to be in a position where I could maintain it and fix it. Cant wait to see what the buyer does with it hes a flipper and I hope my agent Tim isnt going to mind setting up a showing when its one but thats now maybe by that point I wont want to see it. Who knows only time will tell.

Good news is I paid off two credit cards this morning and paid the rest of the pending bills and I even did a little shopping bought some plants for a shady spot in the yard. And even better I was able to give a little money to a gofundme campaign to support a local business which was good timing because normally I dont have a pot to piss in. But hopefully now things will improve financial and I can get over being the cheapest person on the planet.

I guess I really thought I was going to be over the moon with happiness after the closing but I just realized thats just not my style. I dont react to things immeadiately it usually takes me time to process things and to really think about whats happened before I react or show emotion. Sometimes I think I am a sociopath but I took an online quiz once and nope not a sociopath. I am just a slow and steady very methodical think before you leap kind of person. Even when it comes to good news. I do feel myself lightening a bit my old whacky sense of humor coming back a silliness which i used to love about myself starting to pop up in the back of my mind. Seriously I think owning that house was starting to give me PTSD and now i need to find a way to heal. I was always so worried something else would go wrong that I wasnt able to afford to pay for another disaster I was un-prepared for.

I also have to work on forgiving myself. That one might take awhile.

Off to visit family on this fine spring day a weekend in the finger lakes visiting family which is long over due and to celebrate the soon to arrive first child of my cousin Marcus and his wife Angela. It should be a beautiful drive on a beautiful day and I will have plenty of time to think about the past and hopefully come to terms with the last 11 years and the house.

Have a nice Easter everyone or as we celebrate in my family a vague weekend of celebrating springs renewal. Or maybe its just the ham.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

The Evan Buxbaum incident and never counting my chickens.

Okay so after six months and the price of my dear house going down down down as steadily as the temperature falls in winter we finally have a buyer. A buyer who offered about half of what I was originally asking but at this point desperation took over and I accepted his offer. The buyer is actually a flipper so I had a good feeling that he would treat the old girl right and return her to her past glories. At least that is my hope. So I was happy about this over the moon actually for about a day until abject fear that he would back out took over. It seemed the buyer did not take into consideration that the eventual buyers of the house once it was finished would need to buy flood insurance and he was afraid it would make the house hard to sell. Why this came as a shock to him I am not sure since there is the house there is the small front yard the road and then the mighty Hudson River. Is it on a flood plan um yeah just a little.

So of course I went into full panic hide under the bed mode and it brought me back to 9th grade. I guess we all have those incidents in life which almost become our own parables our own fairy tales or horror stories. One of the biggest lessons I have learned in my 46 years is seriously never count your chickens I mean NEVER. Okay so back to Evan Buxbaum and 9th grade. From what I can remember he asked me out and we exchanged phone numbers I am not sure if I had a crush on him or not or his asking me came out of the blue. My memories have dimmed over the years. I accepted his offer of being his girlfriend and he said he would call me later. So I went home riding cloud nine proceeded to make a snack and turn on MTV. The phone rang and it was him and instead of awkward get to know each other talk it turned out his friends didn't approve of me and he dumped me. Quickest "relationship" ever. That one even beats some Hollywood marriages! Now I am sure it wasn't the first time life taught me how fast your fortunes can change but this one was pinnacle. It always startling how fast you can go from elation to the dumps how fast the pendulum swings back the other way.

These are the thoughts that were going through my head and my heart when I thought the deal for my house was going to fall through it brought me right back to 9th grade. Now I am sure there have been plenty of times in my life of disappointment but this is the one I always remember. I remember feeling ashamed for being happy for those brief moments like man you are such a sucker. You should have known better. Sometimes things are too good to be true. I am sure the Evan Buxbaum incident was a big piece of the puzzle that is currently me. I tend to play my cards very close to my chest am not prone to jump in to things quickly. I have become a watcher and a waiter and I never ever count my chickens before they hatch. We close on Thursday and hopefully things will go well. I of course refuse to accept it as a done deal. I am much more of accept the worse and be pleasantly surprised if things actually work out type of girl. Here's hoping. I think I have some healing to do. Happy first day of spring.