Friday, August 21, 2015

Snakes on a plane or in this case in a car.

So as you guessed from the title strange things happen to me sometimes. So yesterday driving home from work heading north on I-87 in the left hand land doing about 72 or so and I look to the left of the wheel and there is a freaking snake looking back at me. Yes you read correctly a freaking snake. Now luckily I am not a very dramatic person for instance I would never get on a game show I show excitement with a slight smile you would probably never see me jump for joy or scream with excitement just not me. But seeing the snake did cause me to yelp and put my hand to my throat. Why do you think we do that what good is putting your hand to your throat? Is it maybe a gut instinct to always protect your throat? Why don't we pat the top of our heads or make some other gesture?

My first thought is I must capture the snake who by this point I have named Stan and I look at him and go dude nowhere for me to pull over you are coming home with me I guess. Now I have a checkered past with capturing or herding animals I like to think I am really good at it but if I am honest with myself I usually end up doing more harm then good. The farmer who used to own the land around my house actually kept dairy cows on it and sometimes they would escape. I would get all excited and run out to help and invariably I would end up sending them in the opposite direction and about a mile away. But I always loved the drama of being out there with the big ladies of milk. Luckily the farmer never witnessed me trying to "help". Shhhh.

Okay so back to Stan the snake so I stop at an ATM to get some cash out and I find a nice area where I think Stan could survive and take a straw and try and edge him towards the window or me so I can grab him. No such luck he disappears into the workings of my Honda and I drive off figuring well if Stan got himself into the Honda hopefully he can get himself out. It briefly occurred to me that someone planted Stan so I would have a heart attack when he showed himself or I would cause a huge pile up on the highway. But then it occurred to me that number one I am not afraid of snakes and number two you would probably have to find a slightly larger snake. So with the conspiracy theories fading fast I start to drive home and I even turned off the air conditioning figure Stan probably likes heat vs cold. He did give me another scare when he dangled from the roof off the car again I gasped and reached for my throat. He hid again at the sound of my gasp never to be seen again. I assume he got back out the way he came.

So long Stan happy trails to you.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

finally the house is in the market and I have never cleaned so much in my life.

The house finally went on the market last week. I wasn't really ready for it but before I knew it pop there is was. And because it is REALLY priced to sell we are getting some action that I am not really prepared for. So I clean and clean and clean and sometimes mow and then clean and clean.... Have I ever mentioned that I am not a neat person? I am at work which is kind of strange I actually have a bottle of spray cleaner on my desk. Not sure why I am OCD at work and not at home. Oh who knows us humans are a strange bunch.

At home I am more of a do the dishes every few days if that and now i have to do the dishes ALWAYS omg what a pain in the ass. And its an old house really old talking 1775 so this old lady is not easy to clean. The stuff that lives between the old floor boards is epic I imagine whole universes living their little lives down there ignoring my attempts to suck them up with my dyson.

So in the last week I think we had 3 showings and its exhausting running home from work praying there is no traffic fixing what I can cleaning what I can and turning a blind eye on the myriad of things that are glaring in their need to be done. Then hustle the dogs and the husband into the car and figure out where to go for an hour. But it will be worth it if I can find that certain someone who will love this house and land like I did and want to return this grand lady to her former beauty.

Today is Sunday and I had a pretty lazy day coffee and breakfast making followed by shopping and lunch with my mom followed by a nap of epic proportions man I am surprised I woke up at all. So as I was contemplating a tall frosty glass of wine to combat the heat and maybe just maybe scratching something together for dinner my phone beeps and guess what? Someone wants to look at the house tomorrow at 1:30 so up I get and clean I do. I have 4 cats and one of them has taken to pooping in strange places so I go on poop patrol to find any stray poops and then keep putting stuff away one weird pile after the other.

The good thing is I think I might become a neat person after this. I woke up earlier than usual on Friday due to work stress and instead of just chilling out watching scooby doo (the dogs like it I swear) I made a cup of coffee and actually not only un-loaded the dishwasher but loaded it again. OMG that has never happened before. I made breakfast today and I cleaned it up right after we were done. OMG that happens sometimes but nah not really.

So wish me luck. I'm tired but happy people are looking and that's a good thing. .

Take a look if you like if you are handy and want a project it could just be the house for you.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Not so much my heart this time.

I got my haircut today short for me real short. Why? Time to shake off the old tired ways that aren't working and time to clear the deck for clarity of vision passion creativity and love. Have you ever put something off for a long time because you knew when you did it it was going to hurt and suck and make your guts feel like someone pulled them out with a hook and they spilled out on the floor. You try to pick them up and stuff them back in but they never seem to fit back right. But I know i have to do this I know I have to knock it all down and build again I know I need to break myself down and see what's left after everything is gone. Need to shake myself down to my core. I hope something is left. If not I guess that's what the loony bin is for.

After a year of talking and talking and thinking and thinking I finally put the house on the market. If you could have seen the look on my poor realtor's face when he saw it. Now Tim is a good looking tan and fit guy and I swear he walked in the door paled, aged five years and started walking with a stoop. Okay I am exaggerating a bit but not much. Finally at the end I said Tim please just tell me one thing you have seen worse right and he really couldn't. So to make matters worse 10 years ago before the market bombed we bought at the top of the market. But at the time I said who cares this is my forever home so what does it matter. Oh dear girl it matters it's not your dream home and it's time to move on.

I bought this house with my heart 100% I didn't even realize that it didn't have a bathroom on the second floor all i saw was a 1775 colonial with a historical marker in front 2 acres in the back and the glorious Hudson rolling by across the street. I never stopped to look at the structure or anything I didn't look at ANYTHING but the ideal of a house like this I bought hook line and sinker with my heart. Of course if things had gone differently if I had made different decisions thought more clearly at certain key junctions things might have worked out. But they didn't and it's time to go.

My agent listed that house 40 grand below what my in my head was the lowest I would be happy with number. Yes 40 grand. It was not an easy afternoon. As I stood there frantically trying to do math in my head trying to add up my credit card debt the balance on my mortgage what a down payment would be on the new house and closing costs and moving expenses and I am trying to add and I don't want to take my phone out to add because shit I am a grown woman child I should be able to do math in my head and the room is starting to spin and Tim looks upset because I know he can see my FACE and it's probably not good even though I think I have a good poker face I know I know he sees it all the dismay then trying to be brave trying to figure it all out trying to come to grips with it all. And then it dawns on me well that sucks but what if it doesn't even sell for that holy shit what on earth am I going to do. It's all starting its all coming down its all going to shit and I can only hope like a phoenix I can rise from the freaking ashes of my former life. My panic attacks are coming back but I expected that and I think I have the resources to deal with them. Just freaking breathe.

My aunt and Uncle are in town this weekend who I love to pieces and we decided my mom, MJ and I would go look at the one house on the market in my dream town that has the acreage that I want at a price I can afford it will be the 4th time Ive seen it. I am trying to be logical and thorough and not think with my heart but my head. They loved it and I admit it has a simple zen like quality that appeals it is certainly more simple and manageable and could be just quite the thing. On the way out my agent Tim looked at me and I said well Tim I am trying to be logical this time and buy a house that not only I can afford but that I can maintain and he said not so much your heart this time…...