New Christmas traditions and small Christmas moments.

Christmas is almost here and I finally managed to finish decorating the tree yesterday. This is a new ornament I bought this year and I love it there is a black one too (of course) but he didn't photograph as well. That's a new tradition for us that I am loving this time of year Tommy and I drive over to Gardenworks in Salem and buy a few new ornaments, some local yarn to improve my knitting skills on and cheese. The local cheese selection is off the hook and as a cheese addict its hard for me to get out of there with just one selection. So this year it was a black and white sheep which was apropos since we had just come from a great visit at Bedlam Farm finished with lunch at the Burger Den nice day all around.

I started the season without really feeling it and the feeling is ramping up a bit as we get closer to xmas. This year for the first time Tommy and I were able to buy each other multiple gifts something we haven't done in years.  Tommy has no patience whatsoever so I wonder how many times he will try and get me to open my gifts early. He already asked me if I had guessed what they where and I said no no I can wait. He is too cute sometimes usually a grinch but when I was putting the lights on the tree he kept saying hurry up hurry up turn them on and he smiles every time he looks at it.

This week was our christmas party at work and they have a raffle amongst other holiday good works that they offer this time the prizes where a trip to ireland (the owners have a house there) a tv a trip to ny and a dinner out. I got burned bad last year so I dd not participate in the raffle basically the owner gave away like 3 or 4 trips to ireland (many more than he was supposed to) and then he goes next prize is a dinner with betty gressler and her husband at her house. Everyone laughs and he pulls a ticket and yes it had my name on it. So the room erupts in laughter I turn pink and try to be a good sport. Only me I say only me. So this year I didn't need the stress so I said forget it and honestly I forgot to bring a twenty with me to work. But this year the story was a sweet one. We have a great cleaner at work named Charles who just has a huge heart (the other day in that snow storm we all went out to our cars to find them cleaned off by charles) anyway he has been saying that he was going to win that damn trip and take his wife of 10 years to Ireland. We all laughed and said that would be great....So as the boss man owner was pulling the winning ticket I noticed he was kind of fishing for something and out he pulled Charles' name. During the eruption of applause that followed his name being called the secretary who ran the raffle leaned over to the boss man and said that was one of the ticket you bought Charles. What a moment the big man Charles started to cry and ran out of the room. Second time in a row the winner has burst into tears and ran out of the room last year it was the 5'3" 20 year receptionist this year was the 6'5" office cleaner. I guess size doesn't matter when it comes to tears of surprise and joy. It was a nice christmas moment it made me cry.

So christmas is only a few more days away I only have to work Monday and Friday so it should be a nice relaxing week. My brother and his family will drive up on xmas ever and I am excited to spend some time with them. Funny every time they visit (well maybe not every time) my brother says hes going out to do an errand and doesn't return for a few hours not sure if he goes to the movies or what but we call it ghosting. Wheres Dave did he ghost again? When was the last time anyone saw Dave? Wait is he taking a nap? Nope cars not here he pulled a ghost again. So this year my sister in law Katy (who I am so thankful for never know what you are going to get as a sister in law I pulled a jackpot with her) are going to engineer her to disappear and I am going to pick her up and we are going to take the beautiful drive from Saratoga to Cambridge NY get in a little last minute shopping at Battenkill Books and maybe find a gin mill to raise a holiday toast and then back to friends and family for xmas eve. So looking forward to it hope we can pull it off. So here's to feeling the xmas spirit a little more each day and to have a light workload and to having many naps with the pups!

war admiral chasing sea biscuit

my favorite campy ornament

we put the tree up on a table otherwise booker the puppy would have it eaten in probably 20 seconds.

Sister Wendy is praying for you and beating back the gloom.

Have you ever wondered what happens to all the sadness in the world? We all feel pain some more than others due to circumstances or personality there is pain in every ones life it cant be avoided but sometimes its overwhelming. I was driving with Tommy tonight to have dinner with my parents and for some reason my mind tripped back to a tv show i saw a few weeks back about a woman who decided her child had become an inconvenience and burned her house down around him and he was found dead in his bed with his little dog dead along side him. Don't know why I thought of it when I did don't know why I watch shows about things like that sometimes but when I thought about it I felt a pain in my stomach that was tangible. The thought of that young boy and his dog dying just because they were no longer part of someones plan just killed me and as my mind strove to get away from the pain like a drowning person reaches for the surface my mind jumped to sister Wendy.

Now I don't know if you know about Sister Wendy or not but she is a nun in England who is a  hermit (hello how cool is that) who leads a contemplative life and has become famous for her work in art history. I recently saw a documentary about her http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/sisterwendy/meet/life.html and it blew me away. She goes to sleep everyday at 5pm and wakes up at 12 am to pray for us because she feels that that's when her prayers are most needed. Now when I had this memory of the terrible plight of the boy and his dog I thought well at least Sister Wendy is praying right now and maybe just maybe it will lift some of the gloom from the world. I've been thinking a lot lately about Sister Wendy and I have a lot more to write about her but this is my first written thoughts more to come I think.

I confess the xmas spirit is eluding me.

I have to admit although I feel glimpses of Xmas spirit for the most part it is eluding me. I get flashes of it but they disappear as fast as they appeared. I thought the snow would help that fell last night a surprising foot or so. But no not really. Let the dogs out without their leads this morning figuring the foot of snow would at least slow Booker the dachshund down but the little shit quickly figured out that if he ran out the road which had been plowed the going would be much easier. Well he was right so off he and Lulu went with fat me wheezing and yelling behind them. Luckily the road was deserted with the weather and they eventually tired themselves out and came to me. I really need to train these two yup really I do. A least I got a nice walk/run in one I wasn't prepared for but a little exercise cant hurt.

We were worried that the plow guy wouldn't show up (since we kind of couldn't remember who our plow guy was) but he did and me being an idiot had left both cars parked completely randomly in the driveway making his job pretty much impossible I also managed to leave a brand new 50lb bag of chicken feed out next to my car like a doofus and yes it was opened. I really didn't think this storm out at all besides making sure the chickens were all taken care of yesterday. I guess I stopped at that chore and didn't think about it again but that's what happens to me when you are always warning me of the impending storm of doom cry wolf too many times and I stop paying attention. Imagine my surprise today when I stepped out into the snow that came to my knees.

It wasn't long before both Tommy and I got a case of  cabin fever so we loaded the pups into the car and took off to go find some incense and then I thought well if the snow didn't bring on some Xmas spirit maybe buying a tree will. Now I really wanted to buy a tree locally but time was running out so I baled on being a good person and went to Home Cheapo. Took about 30 seconds and the tree was in the car. Now for a little background info my husband Tommy did not have the idyllic fairy tale childhood I did and frankly the whole Xmas thing is something he just doesn't really get or feel. He said to me yesterday that I just don't understand that he doesn't feel it and that I keep trying to change him into me. I don't think that is really the case I think I keep hoping that after being with me for 12 years and being safe would help to chase some of the past away but I guess the past holds on too tight sometimes. But I am not going to give up hope nope I'm not.

So now the tree is sitting in the stand crookedly and neither of us have the gumption to do anything about it. Hopefully I will it would be silly to get a tree spend the money and they let it set there staring at you. Tommy already made me cry about spending the money on the tree which made me so sad. But hell its not Xmas if you haven't cried yet right? He is not as his best at this time of year and his mean streak shows itself from time to time. One year he made me sign a contract that I would have the tree taken down by new years in order to get a tree. I almost didn't even bother this year but I couldn't quite give up the hope that the spirit of the season would find me and I would be sad without a tree. Hope it does.