Welcome to the jungle and silencing the haters in my head.

this is just a picture i found mine is actually worse. yes worse. 

I haven't posted probably a lot this growing season about my little side business 3 dogs barking farms maybe a mention here and there but I think my blog has taken another direction and has become more of a creative entity talking more about the human condition with a good dash of humor thrown into the pot and less about the daily dealings of a small fry vegetable grower. But I do still try and grow vegetables to sell at work and at a small farmers market so here is an update on how the year has gone so far.  As usual the one thing I have REALLY excelled at is growing weeds I have all types sizes and breeds and maybe have even cross bred some new ones along the way. They are tall and mighty and stand a good chance of blotting out the sun if I am not careful.  My little garden resembles more the jungles of Vietnam then a vegetable garden in upstate NY but that's pretty par for the course around here I usually manage to stay ahead of the game until some intangible moment in the season where the weeds brush me and my efforts aside and just freaking take over. If you looked at the garden you would probably even have a hard time seeing vegetables I mean I know they are  in there and I even know where most of them are which of course comes in handy when it comes time to harvest.

So I have resorted to cutting the weeds or small trees that they have become down with a lopper you can't pull weeds this size you will end up pulling the vegetable up with it. I cleared a whole path today between the a row of beans and a row of tomatoes. It was kind of nice sitting under this canopy of weeds finding my vegetables see that's how tall they are you can sit under them and nobody would be able to find you. Funny thing early yesterday morning when I was desperately trying to find something to pick to bring to market I swear I could only find a handful of beans and frankly went to market with a paltry offering but low and behold today as I am clearing them from the weeds freaking so many beans were there my head almost exploded well maybe it was just early yesterday and I had no coffee and was running late as usual trying to get down to Ballston Spa. So the beans had a good laugh at my expense but you do know whats on the menu tonight for dinner right? you got it beans! I think I will grill them along with some sweet spare ribs I bought for dinner today.

Its been a great year for growing things not too cold not too hot not too wet not too dry and so far I think I am doing pretty well except for the weeds of course. It does get overwhelming sometimes when you had a long day at work and you come home to do more work outside and all you see is a sea of weeds but you seriously just have to quiet the panic in your head stop yourself from jumping on the riding mover and mowing the whole thing down take a deep breath and say to yourself you have been here before you are on vacation all this week you have plenty of time to take care of the weeds plow new rows and get the last plantings in for fall. Here's hoping I am blessed with lots of energy this week I am sure I am going to need it along with many many many deep breaths. Someone might want to hide the keys to the mower.

On our Nations Birthday Tommy tries to give birth to a kidney stone no not a nation.

Omg when I found this image of kidney stones I wanted to form a band agony pain and misery.

Day off today from work to celebrate our nations birthday and before I even got out of bed my husband said we need to go to our parents my stomach hurts and I want to take a bath. Now this might seem like an odd request but in my life its totally normal see my husband has been battling what we think are kidney stones and was due to get the tests done on Tuesday paired with the fact that we are out of propane and take that piece of information digest it and realize no propane no hot water. Now I got paid yesterday but just haven't had a chance to order the propane and honestly I have gotten used to cold showers they are kind of nice in summer and I like to punish myself I think sometimes make things harder for myself than they need be payback for sins I guess I think I have committed. For some reason when Tommy (husband) doesn't feel well or is pain he wants to take a bath so him waking me up saying we need to go to your parents to take a bath doesn't sound as strange to my ears as I am sure it does yours.

So we drive the 18 miles or so to Saratoga to my parents and walk in and demand a bath luckily my mother is in possession of a very swank tub that you can actually float in so Tommy deposits himself in the tube I leave the merman to his business and make a cup of coffee. Luckily enough for me my parents' good friend Pat Keane is visiting so I get to sit down over coffee and have adult intelligent conversation for some time. I love Pat Keane one of the smartest people I know I first met him after hearing countless stories about him (he was an almost mythical creature to me) about 20 years ago and we got talking about college (pat is a retired college professor and has written tomes on Emerson etc) and he asked me what my major was and thinking i would awe him I said philosophy and for some reason we started talking about Hegel. Now Hegel I have never gotten I am still trying to read and understand or maybe I would just settle for being able to read his phenomenology of spirit but even at 44 years old i cannot manage it. So I tell pat that 20 or so years ago and I remember he just looked at me (with a little pity in his kind eyes) and said really? I always though Hegel was talking about a b c d  e and summed it all up for me basically in a nutshell. Damn not a smart as i think i am am i? 

An hour or two pass Pat leaves for home and I finally pry Tommy out of the tub as I had planned a full day of farming and the dogs were home and probably needed to use the bathroom. But as we ventured home I finally clued into how much pain he was in and said would you like to go to urgent care? And to my dismay he said yes as my plans for getting things done today flew out the window. But I swallowed my dismay ( I was kind of a shit to be honest) and said okay lets go. I really thought going to urgent care would be a fruitless waste of time but to my surprise in under two hours we got an exam pain pills a pee test a blood test and a cats can all to confirm yes Tommy has a kidney stone. The staff was really awesome and did not seem bitter that they were spending the holiday talking to the likes of us. So armed with prescriptions and instruction on how to sieve your pee for stone home we went to relieve the poor dogs. 

Didn't get anything done I thought i would today but I feel better getting a final diagnosis for T than waiting till Tuesday he was in so much pain it was scary he turned quite pink to be honest. Going back to my parents tonight for a cookout (told Tommy he couldn't get back into the tub every time he goes everywhere trust me that tub is awesome) then home to pick some salad mix and radishes for market tomorrow. Will battle peas, beets, chard and lettuce in the dawn hours tomorrow. No rest for the wicked slightly annoyed wife of sick person who always is punishing herself for imagined sins and slights against the world. I should stop that I really should. Happy 4th everyone enjoy and don't blow your fingers off and have to go to urgent care. 

who do you pray to when you dont believe in god?

 

One good thing about being an atheist is that I don't have to worry to much about the big questions heaven hell purgatory oh where will I end up have I been good enough or have I been bad enough? It takes a lot of pressure off a person so honestly I just try to be as good as I can be because its the right way to be not because of any punishment or rewards. But this isn't a manifesto about religion its just me thinking my thoughts. And I don't even know if I really consider myself an atheist I just don't happen to believe in any religion we have come up with so far it doesn't mean I am not open to it or wouldn't believe if the opportunity arose. If God say hey EB here I am believe I wouldn't say well hell no I would say oh there you are okay I get it now. See I am not unreasonable.

But anyway back to my topic so when you are an atheist and you really really want something and all you want to do is drop to your knees by the side of your bed like a little kid and pray with all your heart with your eyes shut tight what do you do? So like I predicted I knew I would know my new home when I saw it and its not like anything I would have thought I would fall in love with. And honestly I haven't even seen pictures of the inside but I don't care that is what I want. But now the tough part comes can I get my present debacle of a house together in time to sell it quick so I can buy my little cabin on the side of a hill with the prettiest view ever? That's when I want to drop to my knees and pray pray pray but I guess instead I will just have to start working my butt off get the house on the market and see what happens. I guess winning the lottery is out doesn't seem to be a reliable answer to my problems. Oh little cabin wont you be mine?