Sunday, January 4, 2015

saying good bye to 2014 and trying to get there from here.

Happy New Year!
I wont say 2014 was a terrible year no one very close to me died I didn't lose a pet or a job but I didn't really accomplish much either besides just going to work coming home having a few glasses of wine watching tv and going to bed. Not there is anything wrong with living like that but I know i just know I am meant to do something more with my one shot at life. So what do I do about being in the rut of a lifetime? Make a plan of course! Every time i get manic i just have to calm myself done sometimes with the help of a wee bit of xanax and say okay what do you want and how do you get there from here. Now granted I have never yet gotten from here to there but I guess you just have to keep trying right?

I have worked in the same job for 10 years and I have been lulled into complacency by a what passes as a sweet paycheck in upstate NY for what I do and knowing that I know my job and am good at it so its been hard to try and break out of the rut of working for money and security and not doing something that fulfills me in anyway except knowing that i do a good job and its sometimes appreciated.  Well until now.....things have changed three months ago I took on a new more difficult role and I find myself struggling a bit outside my comfort zone I am sure I only need time to adjust and learn but my toxic boss has turned her evil sights on me and frankly is gunning for me she told me the other day I wasn't allowed to make a mistake in January. Now if that's not setting someone up to fail i don't know what is. She didn't exactly say what would happen if i did but I think I am going to probably find out.

As a firm believer that every end is a beginning and every beginning is an end I have started updating my resume and begun thinking of things and places I might want to work. Now this might all blow over and her axe might be ground enough to leave me alone but i figured I should be prepared for the worse or maybe in the case the best? My job is over 40 miles away and a terrible commute would it be so bad if i was forced due to being fired to find something else? So with deep calming breaths I go back to work tomorrow to face the music. Should be interesting to say the least.

So what else do i have planned for 2015 well i have to get up and get this house ready to sell if we can sell this house for any decent amount of money I can hopefully pay off my debt for a large chunk find some land in a neighboring county and build a small house we might even join the tiny house nation. If we can accomplish that I wont have to have the big job that pays the big money maybe then I can farm part time and get a few part time jobs now that sounds like fun.

Art and creativity also needs to be more of a priority in my life I have even stopped taking pictures because I cant find the stupid cord that hooks the camera up to the computer now how stupid is that lady its called best buy go get one. So you can see i have fallen into a king size rut on just every level of my life. Now I just have to pull myself wake myself up and get going. Not sure what its going t take an earthquake maybe? Maybe a tornado I dream of those a lot when I get upset. I read in a book that seeing tornadoes in your dreams means you feel out of control of your alot plane crashes too...But I cant take all my dreams literally today I dreamed I was helping Mozart setup a tryst with his gay lover. Period costumes and everything.
life. I dream of them

So those are my thoughts leaving the past year behind and starting on the next. I don't think its an easy road in front of me but that's life right?

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