Monday, April 13, 2015

Coming to grips on your inner asshole and patience is not my virtue.

Okay its been one of those days were I am certainly not shining as a human. Today my husband has to have a MRI to see whats going on with his health. I think he might have had another small stroke and maybe this time its not so small but we shall wait and see. He is there now while I am at work pretending to care about envelopes (yes that's what I do for a living envelopes don't ask). At times like this, times of stress anxiety and of muttering to yourself is this really my life you like to think that you will be this great compassionate caring nurturing nurse type person.

So far today it hasn't worked out like that and I am kind of ashamed of myself.  We woke up early so I could drop him off at my parents house so my kind Dad could drive him to the MRI and before we left I suggested his take his bottle of Xanax with him in case he had a panic attack. So little did I know that he instead of just taking the bottle with him he ended up taking 2. Yup 2 and these aren't little ones either these are big daddys.

So needless to say about 20 minutes into our journey he starts to sway in his chair and I say (insert expletive) how many did you take? So I pull into my parents driveway and he starts to puke and I yell what the hell are you doing. I guess im a little cranky at 7am on a Monday morning. So I stop yelling and jump out of the car grab something to clean him up with and for a minute stop being a major bitch I even had to have a short time out with myself like lady stop freaking yelling at him and take care of him what the hell is wrong with you.

Needless say I finish pulling into the driveway and he starts to walk into the house but he is pretty unsteady on his feet (part Xanax part too much weed and part whatever is wrong) so he knocks over a planter and once again I jump out of the car run to help get him into my parents house and with my Dad's help get him safely to the sofa. And with that I leave to go to work.

My mom just called and said that he is home safe but that he left his phone with my Dad so now I have no way to talk to him to one apologize and two to see how things went. I don't think we will have the results right away. Where do you find patience when the well is  dry? When you feel so on edge you are defiantly not the best version of yourself?

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