Back to the old house no more its time to move on.

One of my favorite pictures of the old house that old house which is no longer my house. What a beauty she is but hopefully by giving her up she can be saved and brought back to her glory. We closed yesterday and although I tried not to have expectations on how I would feel I was surprised to find that what I mostly felt was numb. Just numb. I did tear up a little at the closing when I saw the buyers name and the address. Thankfully I pulled myself together I think it would be embarrassing to cry in front of a room full of lawyers. And I mean a roomful the cologne was over powering in a big way.

As much as I loved that house and the idea of it I am glad it is now someone else's worry. I bought that house with my heart and not my head. I was never going to be in a position where I could maintain it and fix it. Cant wait to see what the buyer does with it hes a flipper and I hope my agent Tim isnt going to mind setting up a showing when its one but thats now maybe by that point I wont want to see it. Who knows only time will tell.

Good news is I paid off two credit cards this morning and paid the rest of the pending bills and I even did a little shopping bought some plants for a shady spot in the yard. And even better I was able to give a little money to a gofundme campaign to support a local business which was good timing because normally I dont have a pot to piss in. But hopefully now things will improve financial and I can get over being the cheapest person on the planet.

I guess I really thought I was going to be over the moon with happiness after the closing but I just realized thats just not my style. I dont react to things immeadiately it usually takes me time to process things and to really think about whats happened before I react or show emotion. Sometimes I think I am a sociopath but I took an online quiz once and nope not a sociopath. I am just a slow and steady very methodical think before you leap kind of person. Even when it comes to good news. I do feel myself lightening a bit my old whacky sense of humor coming back a silliness which i used to love about myself starting to pop up in the back of my mind. Seriously I think owning that house was starting to give me PTSD and now i need to find a way to heal. I was always so worried something else would go wrong that I wasnt able to afford to pay for another disaster I was un-prepared for.

I also have to work on forgiving myself. That one might take awhile.

Off to visit family on this fine spring day a weekend in the finger lakes visiting family which is long over due and to celebrate the soon to arrive first child of my cousin Marcus and his wife Angela. It should be a beautiful drive on a beautiful day and I will have plenty of time to think about the past and hopefully come to terms with the last 11 years and the house.

Have a nice Easter everyone or as we celebrate in my family a vague weekend of celebrating springs renewal. Or maybe its just the ham.