Saturday, February 1, 2014

Being depressed but going for a walk with the dogs instead.

Worries too many worries right now some of them are just vague fears that I am having trouble battling against and some are the daily worries of adult life. I don't mind being upset when you know what you are upset about but I don't like being sad, nervous and worried about vague fears I cant put my finger on. If you know whats pissing you off or making you cry or keeping you up at night at least you can formulate a plan. But if you don't know whats wrong theres no fixing it. So that was the mood I woke up too and as I tried to go back to bed with my head under the covers sleep eluded me and I realized that this was the first Saturday in a long while that it was possible to take the dogs and myself for a walk without getting frost bite or being lost in a snow storm. So in an effort to beat back the gloom I shut the chickens in the garage grabbed a leash for hell puppy Booker and took a walk.

Must say it worked I am still worried about what I have to worry about but I am up and writing and taking pictures it always helps me to create a little. And to be honest this is a busy time of year for me this is when all the planning for the upcoming growing year gets done the seeds ordered the crop plan laid out research done on new things to try etc. So in an effort to beat back the gloom and worry of winter (I always associate more worry with winter than other seasons....will I have enough propane will the pipes freeze will I get to work and back okay will the dogs and I go stir crazy) its time to plan for the glory of spring.

I attended a farming conference last week and I really learned a lot and got re-energized about farming. To be honest I was having some doubts this fall and early winter about farming and whether it was worth it or not. Something happened at the last market last year that jaded me and the funny thing is I cant for the life of me figure out what it was all I know is that I went into the day with my usual energy and love for growing vegetable but came out of the day with a bad feeling in my stomach. My stomach always tells me like it is I just wish it was better at communicating. I have spent quite a bit of middle of the night worry time trying to figure out what happened that day to give me that feeling and I don't know what it is but regardless attending the conference and learning so much as definitely put me back on track. I am not going to stop trying to figure out what happened to make me a little jaded about farming because I know its important and if I have learned anything in 44 years its not going to go away until I figure out what it is. So time to sign off and get the seed catalogs and spreadsheets out and to do a little work with budgets and all that good stuff. Stay warm everyone happy new year and I hope the year of the horse is a  blessed and prosperous year for all. Cheers. Here are a few pics of our little walk today.

1 comment:

  1. Not sure if along your way that you ever read the book The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom? Anyhow it is a vivid and heartbreaking story of one womens faith and hope despite horrible odds.She was a prisoner at Ravensbruck death camp during WW2. Anyhow her Father said this thing about death.. and we use it in our home alot.. because it works, not just for death, but also for worries that creep up.. "adult worries", "farming worries", "health worries".. any kind of worry... And it basically goes like this don't turn in your train ticket before you get to the train. We say "don't turn in your ticket till you get on the train"....basically take not just today, but every moment at face value. And deal with the hurdles when they are right in front of you.. at that exact moment before you get on the train. It helps stay calm...and not worry so much. And also making a short list of 5 things you are so very thankful for, this instantly warms me and helps to to let worries go. xo love you friend.