Im not in Kansas anymore.....notes from the country

Not sure if I haven't written about this or not but there were many things that confused me and some that still do when I moved to upstate NY a little over 10 years ago. Here are a few of my favorite observations or confusions.....

People having fake plastic animals or the cutouts of animals in their yard. Sometimes there are a little vignette of plastic deer or the black cutouts of moose or bears. The first time I saw the black bear cutout I almost drove off the road because it was quite far away and yes I thought it was real. I panicked because there were horses nearby and I thought it was stalking them. Still not sure the reason people have them are they trying to attract animals repel animals or just make me drive off the road? Maybe they have hidden cameras setup and the laugh every time someone drives by and does a double take. Kin to this is well coverings that look like little doghouses for very very short dogs. This one I pondered for a long long time I just couldn't figure out why you would put such a short dog or doll house in your yard. Finally I mumbled something while driving with my husband and he said um idiot they are decorative pieces to cover well heads. Well he probably didn't say it like that.

Another one is outside wood burning furnaces. This one took me awhile to figure out at first I just thought people in upstate NY were crazy about smoking meat. Maybe after luring deer to their yard by using the fake plastic animals above they smoked the meat? Finally after getting a subscription to Mother Earth news I figured out via the ads in the back that these were actually a furnaces and not smokers. Too bad someone doesn't invent a hybrid that does both now that would be neat.

A great perk to country living? Hell you don't want something you put it out in your front yard near the road with a "free" sign on it and no matter how obscure the object is someone sooner or later will take it. Now this could be the blender jar to a blender you no longer have the cookie sheet to a toaster oven that broke it doesn't matter have patience someone will take it. I have seen the strangest things for offer and a day or two later they will be gone. I am going to test this soon too as we are getting closer to getting the house on the market. Stuff I don't want I am just putting it out there and seeing what happens.

A frivolous post but these are some of my thoughts driving on country lanes on my way to work. Got to think and ponder about something right?

Thoughts on growing up and old.

My dish was messed up this weekend so I had to go to my ipad to watch a little boob tube. I choose to catch up on the HBO show "Girls" for fun. I kind of thought because the show is about twenty somethings I wouldn't really be able to relate to it in a present I am 45 sense although I knew it would bring back plenty of memories of my twenties. But I was very surprised how the themes and variations of the show resonate with me still today. Well except the part where everyone has sex with everyone and anyone all the time. That still doesn't happen to me.

So many themes.....creativity and being an artist who really is an artist and should the rest of us pick up the tab?  Just because you want to be an artist does it mean you shouldn't have to support yourself until you can make it doing whatever art it is you want to do? If your dream is not sustainable and you end up allowing others to enable you by helping you is that right? How important is being authentic to yourself and others in achieving your goals?

What do you want to be when you grow up? Man I am still wrestling with this one but the thing I am figuring out is you never really grow up so don't freak out you don't know what you want to do just do want you want now and figure the rest out later. Now this is really freeing for me I love that it just opens up endless possibilities of re-inventing yourself and your dreams. I think we all get stuck in this shoe box starting when you are young when we get questioned at a young age so little jimmy what do you want to be when you grow up. I always wanted to answer how the bleep should I know I am six and besides the only options I could come up was principal dancer with the American Ballet Theater or a jockey. Both extremely improbable but hey I was just a kid.

To be honest I have never known what I wanted to do and maybe I never will. I took a finding meaning in your life quiz the other day and I came up with two passions in my life one is growing food and the other is cooking. So then a light bulb went off in my head and said well maybe one day I will combine the two to create business along the lines of "from my garden to your table" and start a catering company. I brought this up casually last night at dinner with my parents and my mother immediately said what a great idea and apparently my dad made a face which my mother called him out on. So I said don't worry mom that's just the face Dad makes when I mention leaving corporate America. She said oh I thought it was his beer.

What have I taken away from the show so far? Always use a condom, people are complicated some more than others, artist are usually major narcissists, I should have had more sex in my twenties I let problems with my body image hold me back, no matter your age its okay to reinvent yourself and find new dreams. Never growing up in the popular sense of the phrase is a good thing.

Coming to grips on your inner asshole and patience is not my virtue.

Okay its been one of those days were I am certainly not shining as a human. Today my husband has to have a MRI to see whats going on with his health. I think he might have had another small stroke and maybe this time its not so small but we shall wait and see. He is there now while I am at work pretending to care about envelopes (yes that's what I do for a living envelopes don't ask). At times like this, times of stress anxiety and of muttering to yourself is this really my life you like to think that you will be this great compassionate caring nurturing nurse type person.

So far today it hasn't worked out like that and I am kind of ashamed of myself.  We woke up early so I could drop him off at my parents house so my kind Dad could drive him to the MRI and before we left I suggested his take his bottle of Xanax with him in case he had a panic attack. So little did I know that he instead of just taking the bottle with him he ended up taking 2. Yup 2 and these aren't little ones either these are big daddys.

So needless to say about 20 minutes into our journey he starts to sway in his chair and I say (insert expletive) how many did you take? So I pull into my parents driveway and he starts to puke and I yell what the hell are you doing. I guess im a little cranky at 7am on a Monday morning. So I stop yelling and jump out of the car grab something to clean him up with and for a minute stop being a major bitch I even had to have a short time out with myself like lady stop freaking yelling at him and take care of him what the hell is wrong with you.

Needless say I finish pulling into the driveway and he starts to walk into the house but he is pretty unsteady on his feet (part Xanax part too much weed and part whatever is wrong) so he knocks over a planter and once again I jump out of the car run to help get him into my parents house and with my Dad's help get him safely to the sofa. And with that I leave to go to work.

My mom just called and said that he is home safe but that he left his phone with my Dad so now I have no way to talk to him to one apologize and two to see how things went. I don't think we will have the results right away. Where do you find patience when the well is  dry? When you feel so on edge you are defiantly not the best version of yourself?

Symphony in Brown

 

Took the dogs out for the first real walk of the season yesterday. Booker managed to get into every puddle we came across but I was right behind him I love stomping in puddles always have and hopefully I always will. I remember when I was little coming into the house drenched from splashing around in puddles. I don't go that far any more but Booker sure does. But being a dachshund mix he is low to the ground so hes pretty apt to get pretty dirty quick. The farmer who bought the farm land around me turned many of the large hay fields into corn fields so right now until the corn is planted and sprouts we are looking at a 196 acres of brown. Very brown. Beautiful in its own right and I named it a symphony in brown yesterday while walking the dogs.

This is a picture post walk of Booker taking a well earned nap.