Thursday, December 17, 2015

Finding christmas in my own way.

Last Sunday we went out and got the old xmas tree. I don't think we bothered last year we both weren't in the mood and with just the two of us we figured why bother. But this year with the new house and all I wanted a tree that would look pretty in the window so we didn't look like a bunch of grinches to the rest of the neighborhood. Of course I waited a little too long on sunday to do this so the place I was thinking about getting a tree only had 3 left and was closed so I said to myself F*#@K it I will just go to Tractor Supply and get one cheap. So up over the freaking mountain we go and as I am about to turn into the parking lot I said to myself is that really the xmas experience you want to have? It didn't feel right so I kept going and remembered a family run tree place a few miles further down the road that I had passed a few times. I am glad I did they were a charming family with a couple of generations helping out and I scored a candy cane too! That felt so much better to me I think I needed a little interaction with other humans to get the Christmas cheer flowing.

As I get older its harder to find the xmas spirit we do not have kids so we miss that whole experience but sometimes it gets hard to remember why we even bother but I still get that feeling in my stomach that excitement that xmas is coming so I figure as long as I get the feeling you might as well go with it. I managed to get the lights on the tree on sunday but didn't have the energy for the decorations. But I pulled the box out last night which was in itself a xmas miracle that I could find anything in this house of brown boxes. But find it I did and I have to admit it was nice to take a walk down memory lane that each ornament seems to take you down. There were the two sheep one white and one black that I bought at Gardenworks two years ago, there was War Admiral chasing Sea Biscuit for the win, there was William the met hippo looking cute, and there of course was the ornament that tommy and I made together in 2002 our fist Christmas together.

As often happens at this time of year you tend to compare your experience with that experience you imagine everyone else has you know the one the big family several generations eggnog and carols everyone trim and neat not a hair out of place the family dog laying at people feet a big fire roaring in the fireplace you know the one I'm talking about. Now maybe that does exist somewhere I hope it does but I have always had a small family and small celebrations and my mom cant stand Christmas carols she blames them for her not believing in god. (Im kidding but she did say that the other day to me jokingly) so this year it was me and the dogs decorating the tree. The dogs were trying to be helpful but well you know how that goes. Tommy doesn't really do things like this and with his brain being injured like it is he participates even less. So it was a tad lonely with me imagining the mythical  Norman Rockwell celebration happening elsewhere but it was still nice and the dogs are good company. I guess you just have to remember that whatever celebration you have or don't have its just as important as any other because its yours.

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