Baby its cold out there and oh by the way happy new year.

pic nothing to do with blog but i like this pic of Booker

Happy New Year. Personally I am looking forward to this shiny new year so far all I have managed is to watch TV make and eat food and nap. Hey not a bad start right? Last night Tommy and I went to my parents house to their annual new years eve party. They are really special people and have a great group of friends the core group are a handful of guys my Dad grew up with (how cool is that they are in the seventies and still hang out and love each other) add their wives and people they have met along the way and you have a really great group of people. Artists, retired businessmen, writers, teachers, a retired doctor thrown in what a fascinating crowd. I love to cook and love to cook for a large crowd so after work yesterday I came home to change give the pups a kiss and pick up Tommy and off we went to cook dinner for 18. Dinner went well everyone seemed to enjoy it and the best part was that I made roast pork and we had plenty left over to make Cuban sandwiches today for lunch. Now that's how you kick off the new year dammit. It is cold out and a storm is coming could be anyway from 7 to 15 inches of snow over the next few days. I love snow but I don't like taking care of chickens and battling my way to the coop or trying to get to work over 40 miles away. But that's life.

Chili is on the stove as I mentioned its cold outside and what is better when its cold out that chili? Got me. Spent a nice day today just totaling relaxing making food watching stupid TV and napping with the dogs just what I need to recharge for a new year. 2013 ended with sad news my grandmother Dot died on Monday but more sad for us than for her she was 102 and had wanted to die now for a few years. She was a great lady and lived a hopefully fulfilling  life. She was one of the most practical down to earth people I know so practical that she said she wanted to "go" before the next billing cycle at the assisted living home she was at. Now that's my Grandma Dot wish I was more like her hopefully I will have time to try to be.

Looking for to the future the vegetable growing enterprise went less than well last year and I am already planning on this upcoming year to try to do better. We invested (okay really my dad) on some new equipment which should help and Tommy has promised to be more helpful this year so fingers crossed some crazy weather plan wont present itself and I can grow some decent food for people. Cant wait to keep creating I love writing this blog, taking photographs, growing vegetable and raising chickens but hope to branch out in a few new directions to ramp up the creating. I am really seriously beginning to think that the key to happiness is creating. I think its essential to the soul. So here is to the new year with all its promise.
Many blessings peace and light to you and yours.

New Christmas traditions and small Christmas moments.

Christmas is almost here and I finally managed to finish decorating the tree yesterday. This is a new ornament I bought this year and I love it there is a black one too (of course) but he didn't photograph as well. That's a new tradition for us that I am loving this time of year Tommy and I drive over to Gardenworks in Salem and buy a few new ornaments, some local yarn to improve my knitting skills on and cheese. The local cheese selection is off the hook and as a cheese addict its hard for me to get out of there with just one selection. So this year it was a black and white sheep which was apropos since we had just come from a great visit at Bedlam Farm finished with lunch at the Burger Den nice day all around.

I started the season without really feeling it and the feeling is ramping up a bit as we get closer to xmas. This year for the first time Tommy and I were able to buy each other multiple gifts something we haven't done in years.  Tommy has no patience whatsoever so I wonder how many times he will try and get me to open my gifts early. He already asked me if I had guessed what they where and I said no no I can wait. He is too cute sometimes usually a grinch but when I was putting the lights on the tree he kept saying hurry up hurry up turn them on and he smiles every time he looks at it.

This week was our christmas party at work and they have a raffle amongst other holiday good works that they offer this time the prizes where a trip to ireland (the owners have a house there) a tv a trip to ny and a dinner out. I got burned bad last year so I dd not participate in the raffle basically the owner gave away like 3 or 4 trips to ireland (many more than he was supposed to) and then he goes next prize is a dinner with betty gressler and her husband at her house. Everyone laughs and he pulls a ticket and yes it had my name on it. So the room erupts in laughter I turn pink and try to be a good sport. Only me I say only me. So this year I didn't need the stress so I said forget it and honestly I forgot to bring a twenty with me to work. But this year the story was a sweet one. We have a great cleaner at work named Charles who just has a huge heart (the other day in that snow storm we all went out to our cars to find them cleaned off by charles) anyway he has been saying that he was going to win that damn trip and take his wife of 10 years to Ireland. We all laughed and said that would be great....So as the boss man owner was pulling the winning ticket I noticed he was kind of fishing for something and out he pulled Charles' name. During the eruption of applause that followed his name being called the secretary who ran the raffle leaned over to the boss man and said that was one of the ticket you bought Charles. What a moment the big man Charles started to cry and ran out of the room. Second time in a row the winner has burst into tears and ran out of the room last year it was the 5'3" 20 year receptionist this year was the 6'5" office cleaner. I guess size doesn't matter when it comes to tears of surprise and joy. It was a nice christmas moment it made me cry.

So christmas is only a few more days away I only have to work Monday and Friday so it should be a nice relaxing week. My brother and his family will drive up on xmas ever and I am excited to spend some time with them. Funny every time they visit (well maybe not every time) my brother says hes going out to do an errand and doesn't return for a few hours not sure if he goes to the movies or what but we call it ghosting. Wheres Dave did he ghost again? When was the last time anyone saw Dave? Wait is he taking a nap? Nope cars not here he pulled a ghost again. So this year my sister in law Katy (who I am so thankful for never know what you are going to get as a sister in law I pulled a jackpot with her) are going to engineer her to disappear and I am going to pick her up and we are going to take the beautiful drive from Saratoga to Cambridge NY get in a little last minute shopping at Battenkill Books and maybe find a gin mill to raise a holiday toast and then back to friends and family for xmas eve. So looking forward to it hope we can pull it off. So here's to feeling the xmas spirit a little more each day and to have a light workload and to having many naps with the pups!

war admiral chasing sea biscuit

my favorite campy ornament

we put the tree up on a table otherwise booker the puppy would have it eaten in probably 20 seconds.

Sister Wendy is praying for you and beating back the gloom.

Have you ever wondered what happens to all the sadness in the world? We all feel pain some more than others due to circumstances or personality there is pain in every ones life it cant be avoided but sometimes its overwhelming. I was driving with Tommy tonight to have dinner with my parents and for some reason my mind tripped back to a tv show i saw a few weeks back about a woman who decided her child had become an inconvenience and burned her house down around him and he was found dead in his bed with his little dog dead along side him. Don't know why I thought of it when I did don't know why I watch shows about things like that sometimes but when I thought about it I felt a pain in my stomach that was tangible. The thought of that young boy and his dog dying just because they were no longer part of someones plan just killed me and as my mind strove to get away from the pain like a drowning person reaches for the surface my mind jumped to sister Wendy.

Now I don't know if you know about Sister Wendy or not but she is a nun in England who is a  hermit (hello how cool is that) who leads a contemplative life and has become famous for her work in art history. I recently saw a documentary about her http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/sisterwendy/meet/life.html and it blew me away. She goes to sleep everyday at 5pm and wakes up at 12 am to pray for us because she feels that that's when her prayers are most needed. Now when I had this memory of the terrible plight of the boy and his dog I thought well at least Sister Wendy is praying right now and maybe just maybe it will lift some of the gloom from the world. I've been thinking a lot lately about Sister Wendy and I have a lot more to write about her but this is my first written thoughts more to come I think.

I confess the xmas spirit is eluding me.

I have to admit although I feel glimpses of Xmas spirit for the most part it is eluding me. I get flashes of it but they disappear as fast as they appeared. I thought the snow would help that fell last night a surprising foot or so. But no not really. Let the dogs out without their leads this morning figuring the foot of snow would at least slow Booker the dachshund down but the little shit quickly figured out that if he ran out the road which had been plowed the going would be much easier. Well he was right so off he and Lulu went with fat me wheezing and yelling behind them. Luckily the road was deserted with the weather and they eventually tired themselves out and came to me. I really need to train these two yup really I do. A least I got a nice walk/run in one I wasn't prepared for but a little exercise cant hurt.

We were worried that the plow guy wouldn't show up (since we kind of couldn't remember who our plow guy was) but he did and me being an idiot had left both cars parked completely randomly in the driveway making his job pretty much impossible I also managed to leave a brand new 50lb bag of chicken feed out next to my car like a doofus and yes it was opened. I really didn't think this storm out at all besides making sure the chickens were all taken care of yesterday. I guess I stopped at that chore and didn't think about it again but that's what happens to me when you are always warning me of the impending storm of doom cry wolf too many times and I stop paying attention. Imagine my surprise today when I stepped out into the snow that came to my knees.

It wasn't long before both Tommy and I got a case of  cabin fever so we loaded the pups into the car and took off to go find some incense and then I thought well if the snow didn't bring on some Xmas spirit maybe buying a tree will. Now I really wanted to buy a tree locally but time was running out so I baled on being a good person and went to Home Cheapo. Took about 30 seconds and the tree was in the car. Now for a little background info my husband Tommy did not have the idyllic fairy tale childhood I did and frankly the whole Xmas thing is something he just doesn't really get or feel. He said to me yesterday that I just don't understand that he doesn't feel it and that I keep trying to change him into me. I don't think that is really the case I think I keep hoping that after being with me for 12 years and being safe would help to chase some of the past away but I guess the past holds on too tight sometimes. But I am not going to give up hope nope I'm not.

So now the tree is sitting in the stand crookedly and neither of us have the gumption to do anything about it. Hopefully I will it would be silly to get a tree spend the money and they let it set there staring at you. Tommy already made me cry about spending the money on the tree which made me so sad. But hell its not Xmas if you haven't cried yet right? He is not as his best at this time of year and his mean streak shows itself from time to time. One year he made me sign a contract that I would have the tree taken down by new years in order to get a tree. I almost didn't even bother this year but I couldn't quite give up the hope that the spirit of the season would find me and I would be sad without a tree. Hope it does.

Pieces of the puzzle falling into place and a cold walk with the dogs.

Ever have a small dream over the years not a big dream just a small dream and then it comes true? Its a nice feeling probably about 15-20 years ago I went through a phase where I was mad about needlepointing but couldn't find any designs that I really liked or ones that I had in my minds eye so I decided to design my own. I was going through a medieval phase (well I guess its not a phase still going through it) and I designed a few pillows based on medieval tiles things with fleur de lis etc.. Another thing about me is a rarely finish anything I start and I finished each pillow probably about half way. Now good thing my mother saved all these things and recently finished them. Some of them I had even forgotten designing.

Last March we took a little road trip first stop was Battenkill Books in Cambridge NY because I knew my mom would love it (my mom is a crazy reader multiple books a day) and then we drove on to Dorset VT to bring the completed needlepoints to Maria who owns In Stitches Fine Needlepoint where they are made into pillows and to also purchase some new canvases to work on. My mom brought a couple of the ones I had designed and Maria thought they were neat but didn't really go on about them too much so I didn't think she really liked them. Fast forward to last week my Mom was speaking to Maria on the phone about something else and Maria mentioned how unique my designs were and that she would maybe be interested in carrying them in her shop. Maybe but it was good enough for me. That has been a secret dream of mine for years. Pinching myself now. I cant wait to get designing already have all my old reference material out and have medieval knights jousting and fleur de lis floating around my head. Yay to small dreams becoming realized now it might not materialize but right now this is enough for me.

See its all part of my master plan....now working in corporate america has its perks.....guaranteed salary, paid vacation, sick time, 401K the big stuff then there is the small stuff like people bake for you sometimes and feed you buy you pizza all for doing your job. Now those are the perks and I think we all know the downside.....working for the man being a soulless cog in the machine.....having to have a schedule to pick up your free holiday turkey and of course spending 8 1/2 hours a day in a little gray cube while the sun shines on without you. So back to my plan I figure if I can pay off my debt by working for the man and then find these small side businesses like designing needle points, growing vegetables for sale at the farmers market, my husbands graphics business and whatever else we can think of paired with working part time somewhere local then I can quit corporate america and the affordable care act will help too a definite must have for the self employed. So there is my plan for the future. Small pieces seem to be falling into place. And I am patient I know this wont be anytime soon but at least a plan is in place to find a more meaningful life. A life of creativity and meaning that's what I am looking for.

So this might seem like a small piece of good news, a small piece of a larger puzzle falling into place, but to me it is the affirmation of creativity. And that's huge for me right now. Photography has really become important to me too I love the way it makes you look at things its definitely a different perspective to be sure. Here is my favorite shot I took today while I was walking the dogs down the road. And yes I finally found the b&w setting....

Thoughts on being thankful when it comes easy and not so much.

Seems like everyone is saying that Thanksgiving is their favorite holiday because its time spent with family and friends enjoying good food and drinks coming together to celebrate being thankful. Part of that I think is I see a lot of posts and blogs written by farmers and for farmers I think thanksgiving is special any holiday that celebrates the harvest well that is just in our wheelhouse. Now I know we all say thanksgiving is our favorite but I suspect deep down the little kid in all of us likes Christmas best. I like thanksgiving because I like to cook and I love to obsess about the menu. There have been years where I have started the planning months ahead and there are years where its weeks ahead and some years it catches up with me and its only a week or so ahead. I had this years menu set a few weeks back but then my Dad decided to get tested for food allergies and out the window went this years menu. I didn't mind just made it something I had to think about some more I don't like when things are too easy. So the menu is re-arranged and the lists have been written and re-written. I like to arrange my list by aisle in the supermarket if I make a mistake or write something down out of order I need to start all over again. You would think in reading this that these kind of habits would mean that I was an organized tidy person but I am not just in some things like supermarket lists. We humans are a strange breed.

So tonight after work was round one at the supermarket. Why is it when shopping for a big day it never seems that you can find or remember everything you need in one trip. Do they do it on purpose? Do we?. Well the market was clean out of fresh herbs so I knew I had to go back anyway but then when I sat down and thought about it I forgot quite a few things oh well back I go again. Good thing I love going to the supermarket yup I just love it always have. Wish me luck with round two. My cart only got hit once and people were still pretty happy tonight but we will see what tomorrow brings!

Not a big crowd this year but a good one some old and dear family friends and my Uncle Tim who just lost his partner a few months back.. We were concerned he wouldn't come this year because it might be too painful since for the past few years he and Terry have made the pilgrimage to my parents house but hes coming and I am glad. Not sure how to spin the being thankful part with all he has been through but maybe words aren't necessary (hopefully because I cant think of any that don't sound like all the usual bullshit you hear). Grieving is a tough business but that side of the family usually turns to laughter its like the Bergan clan has a genetic disposition leaning towards irreverence.

I planned on getting some of the prep work done tonight but so far I have managed to do is read play a game of candy crush, write this and have a glass of wine. Well thanksgiving wont cook itself nor will dinner. Updates to follow. If I dont talk to you have a great thanksgiving. Love eb.

Funny the things dogs do.

So we brought home two rawhide bones today as a treat. Lulu promptly ate hers like she always does. But the puppy Booker I noticed was running back and forth with it in his mouth with some anxiety. At first I thought he was just looking for a safe place to eat his bone but then I started following him and he ran into the mudroom when I arrived to see what on earth he was doing he was near the dryer I said to myself oh that must be where he felt safe to eat his bone but he came out running like he didn't want me to know where he was and I asked him where is your bone wheres your toy and he wouldn't tell me. So I said hhhmmm dryer. At first i saw nothing as it was full of clothes but when I removed all the clothes low and behold there was his bone. So Booker wasn't trying to find a safe place to eat his bone he was just trying to find a p;ace to save it for later. One dog is immediate gratification and the other one likes to wait for later. But to be honest I think he likes to save his for later until the moment that Lulu finishes hers and then he savors his like ha ha I still have mine. Now i hate to try and imagine what they are thinking but i see it time again and its what i come up with. I love my dogs crazy nuts that they are!